Saturday, November 26, 2011


I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown of what might be and of what may not be. This fear that I carry is almost crippling; it haunts me at night and follows me all day. I don't like this fear and would love it if this fear no longer existed in my life. The Bible tells us to fear not and to be not afraid, but I can't help it. I know that it is unhealthy and that I need to let it go.

I know that I have been washed and cleansed by His grace and His goodness, but the unknown and not knowing what is lurking behind every corner is driving me batty.

Today I am making a commitment to figure out what the fears are that haunt me. Follow me as I travel down this road and make a commitment to overcome the fears that haunt me.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Moving Through the Pain.

Day 4

Finds me looking forward to the future and looking forward to what may be. Full of hope and the possibilities and moving forward in what could be. Day 4 finds me grateful for the experience and thinking that it did pass and will get better.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Moving Through the Pain.

Day 4.

Today I find myself wanting to apologize for the hurts that have been caused through this journey. So many people, so much negativity, so little positivity. What a shame to waste so much time focusing on what is not positive, when you can focus on what is.

So today, rather than focusing on what isn't, I am focusing on the positive and what can be.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Moving Through the Pain.

Day 3.

Overcoming the loneliness and emptiness to find peace.

Day 3 finds me no longer angry, but somewhat peaceful. Knowing that those old wounds could have easily been opened at anytime. I find myself looking for ways to heal and protect myself. The loneliness stems from the fear of being hurt, but no longer. Now there a strong sense of protection for myself. The protector that I had always been was now looking for me.

I find myself gazing out the window now with peace in my heart and a new sense of direction; no longer wanting my life to be controlled by others and learning to have it controlled by me. Those old hurts lead you down interesting roads. The pain, if you allow it, can bring you back.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Moving Through the Pain. Day 2

Day 2

This day, I find myself hearing the negative self talk in my head. No wonder it's been a rocky road. While I have not been moving through the pain, I have been listening to those tiny words that tell me what I can and what I can not do. These words, I believe, have contributed to the lack of momentum in my life.

This day, I am exhausted, so I find myself sleeping more and feeling more and more refreshed as I move on from the hurts and pains that have plagued me for so long. Today I find strength, no matter how it may come and where it may come from.

Today, I grow stronger, heal and gain strength.

How about you?

Monday, July 4, 2011

Moving Through the Pain.

Day one.

Emotionally I am a wreck. To look at me you wouldn't be able to tell, but the signs are there. A strong sense of responsibility, but really craving to be somewhat footloose and fancy free - afraid that it's all going to fall apart and I would be left with nothing, impatience wanting the healing to come now so that I don't have to deal with it and denial - denying that anything is wrong and that the pain does exist. On the surface I want everything to appear as though it is good, but underneath the waters are not so smooth.

The hurts that I have suffered are just old wounds with flimsy scabs. They are easy to pick off, they have seen no healing, no Bactine, no peroxide, no Neosporin. They just exist. The hurts are happy, the problem is that I am not. Today, for me was not just a day of reckoning, today I decided that it was my last day. My last day to suffer pain of this magnitude, to feel this kind of hurt or to suffer this particular pain anymore. Today, I decided to let go of the hurts and pains that have plagued me for so long. Today, how appropriate is my independence day.

As I looked at my life today, I saw that a few items were missing. I also saw that I was going through the five stages of grief - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's explanation for the emotions that we experience when something or someone is taken from us prematurely. I have moved from denial to anger (looking forward to bargaining, depression and acceptance). Not realizing how upset I was, I just kept trying to repress it. That does not work, let me tell you. So, having discovered that, I decided that it was high time I dealt with all the sadness, anger, depression, fears, misunderstandings and general hurts that came along with the picking at the wound. I decided to allow the wound to heal and to try to let go of the hurts. This is day one.

Moving through the pain was not something that I intentionally planned to do, but instead was something that was thrust upon me. I found that there were two paths that I could take. The first was to inflict some of that pain on others, the second was to reach out and hope that it would help someone else. I chose the latter. So here's hoping that this blog touches hearts, hands and helps in the healing process.

Until next time...

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, Luke 4:18

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Loving someone

I can honestly say that I loved someone. This coming from someone who would not commit to this person or anyone else. I'm glad I didn't though - commit to them - I or they would have been miserable for the rest of our lives. May that relationship securely rest in peace.

Friday, May 13, 2011


You never know what you have until it's gone. Appreciate it while it is still there and be grateful.


Hey guys, thanks for checking out today's blog.

Believing that you are and can be victorious, not matter what, when or where. Rise above that which no longer serves a purpose in your life. Whether you are growing and/or going above and beyond anything that begs to leave you in a pit, claiming the victory provides an avenue for and paves the road for success.

Monday, May 9, 2011


Love. What is this four letter word that puts people in a frenzy and covers your eyes to any other reality. What is this thing that makes you float on a cloud and see the world in a whole new light.

The Bible says that without it you become a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal ( Without it anger and unforgiveness sits in your heart like a rock, you can become empty and without compassion. With it, joy and positivity is spread to others and compassion reigns supreme.

It can become easy to be bitter, angry and resentful, but wouldn't it be nicer to love.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

How to stand when times are tough

How to stand when times are tough while this too shall pass, complaining about it doesn't make it better, most often, it makes it much worse. The negative in a situation is makes the load feel heavier and more like a burden.

Most often life sends problems or situations that throw us for a loop. You've heard the saying "It's always darkest before the dawn" when the sun has set and you're sitting by the dim light wondering where your next meal is going to come from, whether or not you'll be able to find a new and better job or how you're going to pay your rent or mortgage. It can be difficult to focus on life when problems are getting the best of you.

When life is kicking you in the shins and seems to get the best of you, imagine the life you want to live. What is missing at this very moment? What do you want and if you could have it, what would it be.

The life you're living now does not have to be your reality. It can be your past! The light at the end of the tunnel does not have to be a train, the light at the end of the tunnel can be a new life that you've created for yourself.